BATHROOM: Polynesian Village Resort Lobby

When you want a deluxe bathroom experience, the first place to look is often a deluxe resort. The Polynesian resort is one of the most magnificent on property, but the 1st floor restroom fails to fully capture the spirit of the South Pacific, and instead offers guest a middling trip to the toilet.

Ambiance 6/10
It’s understandable that some restrooms are harder to theme than others, but I’m holding this one to a higher standard because a lobby loo at the Poly should be easy to design. While there is ambient island music playing, the grandeur and charm of the resort does not carry over fully. Perhaps it’s the boring tones or the the rough floor tiling, but the time spent on the toilet here is not everything it could be.

Decor 5/10
First the positive: the outdoor wall texture and signage are great. Then there is everything else. Just look at those lifeless walls and stall doors. Polynesian art can be absolutely beautiful, but there is none of that to find within these walls. Where are the tikis? Where is Lilo? Are those countertop plants even geographically accurate theming?

Facilities 6/10
The facilities here are slightly above average, and more often than not I’d rate them at more like an 8 or 9, but look at that sink and tell me what you don’t see. BRANDED TOWELS. I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt that perhaps they were currently out of them, but when I visited I had to dry my hands on normal paper towels like a peasant. You deserve better at a deluxe hotel. Go get it.

Privacy 7/10
All things considered, this is actually a pretty private space. While I refer to it here as a “lobby” restroom, it’s more accurately just a 1st floor restroom, as it is slightly down the hall. As you can see, she’s also a pretty thick girl. You’re never going to have trouble getting a stall here. If you’re in the area and need to do a dirty deed, this is a suitable option – but I wouldn’t recommend going out of your way to visit this establishment.

OVERALL: 6.0