As a theme park pro and famous blogger, I’m used to getting stopped in the parks by fans asking me all sorts of questions. The one question I get asked the most, though, is, “Alan, how can I smuggle alcohol into the parks?”

Trust me, I get it. We all need a bit of liquid encouragement to get through Disneydays — the days are long, the sun is hot, you have a pounding hangover, and the damn kids won’t shut up for a second. Even if we want to fork up the cash to get piss drunk at the parks, we’re left with few options. This is especially true at Magic Kingdom, where the only alcohol in sight is at sit-down restaurants. Who has the time? With the holidays approaching and drink prices continuing to rise, what better time to finally share my tips for smuggling alcohol into Walt Disney World?

Please note: these tips are meant for hard alcohol, like Absolut® Vodka, only. I’m a man who enjoys a good beer or ten just as much as the next guy, but even with my best tips, you’d never be able to smuggle in enough beer to get this good and drunk. All of my tips will help you smuggle in a standard 750ML bottle of booze. So, if it’s seltzer you seek, I’d suggest a tailgate in the parking lot before entering the gates — even this pro can’t help you get a 30 rack in!

Without further ado, here are Alan’s Awesome Alcohol Smuggling Tips Presented By Absolut® Vodka:

1. Misting Fan Spray Bottle
We’ve all seen these at the parks – you’re inside a queue with the AC blasting, soaking wet from a rainstorm, and some little snot kid “accidentally” sprays you with his stupid spray bottle fan. Well, these spray fans are no longer just for kiddies and couples from Arkansas!

This one’s pretty straightforward: instead of water we’ll be spraying Absolut® Vodka. As a drinking professional, I recommend opting for the targeted jet spray setting instead of a mist — did someone say shots!? To save some cash, hit up Amazon before you visit, and be mindful to select one that is ‘wide mouth’ so you can fit some ice cubes in!
Recommended Spray: Absolut® Watermelon

2. Cooling Towel
You’ll be incognito with this tasty towel around your neck or over your bald sunburnt head. Did you know that some towels can last up to 6 hours on a single soak? Not only can you wring it out directly into your mouth, but you’ll soak that sweet Absolut® into your skin like a lizard soaking in the hot Florida sun.
Recommended Soaking: Absolut® Mango

3. Lightsaber
So the damn kids convinced you to spend $200 on a lightsaber that makes some silly sounds but wouldn’t stand much of a chance against a Sith Lord. Useless, right? Wrong! It’s time to turn that frown (and lightsaber) upside-down! Simply ask your kid how to separate the hilt from the blade, and pour your Absolut® inside. Now you have a high-tech flask that the kids will carry around for you all day. You’ll even get some bonus points for letting the kids lug their toy around everywhere!
Recommended Filling: Absolut® Berry Acai

4. Trojan…dog?
Did you know it’s illegal for corporations to require proof that your animal is, in fact, a service animal? That’s right — Disney’s hands are completely tied when it comes to asking questions about your service dog. So, here’s what you do: get a life-sized stuffed dog and a service animal vest, both easily acquired on Amazon. Make a small incision in the dog, fill him up with bottles of Absolut® Vodka, sew him up, slap the vest on, and voila! A trojan horse to smuggle in all the booze you want, no questions asked. Now that’s what I call a boozehound!
Recommended Stuffing: Absolut® Strawberry Nips

5. Learn Magic
The best magicians use sleight of hand to distract, deceive, and amaze audiences with seemingly physics-breaking tricks. We recommend using the same methodology to sneak in some refreshing Absolut® Vodka past security check points. So study up and practice! When the day comes, don your Sorcerer Mickey hat, a light up wand, and amaze the security cast members with your newfound skills in street magic, all the while slipping the booze right under their noses. The exact trick is up to you, but this is the best way to start your day off with a little Disney magic and ensure you’re able to get drunk as a skunk all day long.
Recommended Pairing: Absolut®Peppar

And there you have it! The 5 best ways I’ve found to smuggle Absolut® Vodka into Disney parks. Have a trick you don’t see here? I’d love to hear it! Tweet it at me @disdumps! Because I love my fans so much, I thought I’d throw a few bonus tips your way:

BONUS TIP: Ask for ice.
Head to any quick service, bar, or snack cart and ask for ice. The Cast Members (especially tipped employees) will be super excited you’re asking for it, and it’ll help keep your drink cool all day long

BONUS TIP: Reproduce before your visit.
Your chances of detection are almost 0 when you have a child. If you have time before your trip, try making a baby or two. Have them carry your Absolut® or keep it in their stroller and nobody will suspect a thing.

BONUS TIP: Vodka is Versatile. Always ask for Absolut®
Throughout the day you may want to pour your booze into different drinks, such as sodas, frozen lemonades, or even a Dole Whip. You’re going to want to have an alcohol that is up for anything, that’s why I always recommend Absolut® Vodka. Absolut® is the leading brand of premium vodka offering the true taste of vodka in original or your favorite flavors made from natural ingredients. Absolut®, Mix Responsibly.

Good luck, drinkers!